xkcd

‘Sailor Moon’s head exploded once’ and...

Mon, 19 Dec 2011 12:04:01 +0000

‘Sailor Moon’s head exploded once’ and ‘Some men have explosive orgasms’ both work for the Great Lakes from west to east (Paddle-to-the-Sea order).

We could go to the theater across town and see if it’s...

Fri, 16 Dec 2011 07:30:42 +0000

We could go to the theater across town and see if it’s opened THERE yet, but we don’t want to lose our place in line.

‘Welcome to the future! Nothing’s changed.’...

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 12:33:05 +0000

‘Welcome to the future! Nothing’s changed.’ was the slogan of my astonishingly short-lived tech startup.

An ‘American tradition’ is anything that happened to...

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 09:31:20 +0000

An ‘American tradition’ is anything that happened to a baby boomer twice.

The bunch of disadvantaged kids I was tutoring became too good...

Wed, 07 Dec 2011 11:08:06 +0000

The bunch of disadvantaged kids I was tutoring became too good at writing, and their essays were forcing me to confront painful existential questions, so I started trying to turn them on to drugs and crime instead.

Grayton also proposed making college scholarships available...

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 15:19:58 +0000

Grayton also proposed making college scholarships available exclusively to sexually active teens, amnesty for illegal immigrants who create room for themselves by killing a citizen, and a graduated income tax based on penis size. He has been endorsed by Tracy Morgan, John Wilkes Booth’s ghost, and the Time Cube guy.

The SLS head engineer plans to invite Shania Twain to stand...

Thu, 01 Dec 2011 10:53:47 +0000

The SLS head engineer plans to invite Shania Twain to stand under the completed prototype, then tell her, ‘I don’t expect you to date me just because I’m a rocket scientist, but you’ve gotta admit—this is pretty fucking impressive.’

Proof of Zermelo’s well-ordering theorem given the Axiom...

Sat, 26 Nov 2011 09:46:50 +0000

Proof of Zermelo’s well-ordering theorem given the Axiom of Choice: 1: Take S to be any set. 2: When I reach step three, if S hasn’t managed to find a well-ordering relation for itself, I’ll feed it into this wood chipper. 3: Hey, look, S is well-ordered.

There, I showed you it.

Mon, 21 Nov 2011 23:50:06 +0000

There, I showed you it.

I was going to record an album with that cover under the name...

Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:43:53 +0100

I was going to record an album with that cover under the name “PINK FTFY”, so it’d come after them on the store CD rack. But at this point music stores are just rooms where CDs are set out to age before they’re thrown away, so probably nobody would see it.

Thomas Jefferson thought that every law and every constitution...

Wed, 12 Oct 2011 09:42:13 +0100

Thomas Jefferson thought that every law and every constitution should be torn down and rewritten from scratch every nineteen years—which means X is overdue.

And no avian society ever develops space travel because...

Tue, 11 Oct 2011 07:02:59 +0100

And no avian society ever develops space travel because it’s impossible to focus on calculus when you could be outside flying.

There’s always the hope that if you sit and watch for long...

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 17:10:44 +0100

There’s always the hope that if you sit and watch for long enough, the beachball will vanish and the thing it interrupted will return.

Once you see it, you can’t help seeing it every time....

Wed, 05 Oct 2011 16:00:59 +0100

Once you see it, you can’t help seeing it every time. Until your body finishes metabolizing the mushrooms.

For a thousand generations we vowed never to forget how his...

Mon, 03 Oct 2011 11:03:51 +0100

For a thousand generations we vowed never to forget how his soldiers feasted on our brother Stephen.

The bug report was marked ‘could not reproduce’.

Sat, 13 Aug 2011 15:30:17 +0100

The bug report was marked ‘could not reproduce’.

The Street View van isn’t going to find out anything...

Mon, 08 Aug 2011 12:38:55 +0100

The Street View van isn’t going to find out anything Google won’t already know from reading my email.

I calculate that the electrons in radiation therapy hit you at...

Thu, 04 Aug 2011 16:32:07 +0100

I calculate that the electrons in radiation therapy hit you at 99.8% of the speed of light, and the beam used in a 90-second gamma ray therapy session could, if fired with less precision, kill a horse (they did not let me test this).

It was their main recruiting poster, hung up nearly ten feet up...

Mon, 01 Aug 2011 13:30:12 +0100

It was their main recruiting poster, hung up nearly ten feet up a wall! This means the hackers have LADDER technology! Are we headed for a future where everyone has to pay $50 for one of those locked plexiglass poster covers? More after the break …

Each quarter of the lanes from left to right correspond loosely...

Fri, 29 Jul 2011 18:08:39 +0100

Each quarter of the lanes from left to right correspond loosely to breast cancer stages one through four (at diagnosis).